Against the grain

The owner of a beautiful face is often proud of it. Why? A beautiful face is mostly a gift of nature and not an achievement. We may admire and enjoy a pretty face and even compliment the owner, but we'll rarely give credit as an achievement and say: "Good job!" 

So is it with a beautiful nature. Some people are generous, some are kind, some are patient and understanding - by nature. It is good, but not necessarily an accomplishment. Our nature is partly gifted by Nature, and partly sculpted by our upbringing. The true thing to admire is right action in spite of wrong nature. 

When we speak of virtues - truthfulness, generosity, compassion etc - they are all actionable virtues; they can take us to right action even if the particular circumstance would not have encouraged such action in the normal course of things. An unkind person performing a kind act gains much more merit than a naturally kind person doing so. A person who is "not so nice" performing an act of generosity against the grain, deserves applause. He is playing against a handicap.

Four stages of spiritual growth

The ordinary person is in a stage of "unconcious incompetence". He is emotionally inept and very reactive. But he is not aware that it is so and feels he is the best of the lot.

With some learning and growth comes the stage of "concious incompetence". He awakens to the understanding that he is a servant to his emotions and that this is not the way to be; but he still does not know how to equip his mind and handle emotions better.

Then comes the seeker or the spiritual practitioner, in a stage of "concious competence". He has formulated the way to act as per principles and is trying not to let his feelings overtake right living, through abhyasa and knowledge.

And finally is the enlightened one, who can afford not to be careful about his reactions any more, since they have been programmed into right conduct. Like a professional car driver, he is now in "unconcious competence".

Because I felt like it

Has anybody ever won a medal for rolling down a slope? It is the one who climbs the mountain who is appreciated.

Doing something according to one's feelings is nothing great. It is the thing easiest to do and requires no decision or discrimination. There are people who pride themselves on their "naturalness" or "innocence", saying they eat when they feel hungry, sleep when they want to, have sex, tell somebody on his face that he is disliked, wear all their feelings on their sleeves and pour them on any body's head that is near.

Such people are not innocent, just irresponsible. Going by feelings is good when the feeling supports right action. But it is right action, that too for long-term or greater good, that is important. Those who go purely by feelings either do not have the capacity to see right action in its perspective, or do not have the patience to stop and think.

The only person who can afford to go by his feelings is the one who has got out of all reactiveness, whose feeling itself is always the right feeling of love.

Do we need honesty in relationships?

The goal of living is to generate minimum emotional residue.

.

Internally, honesty achieves this, as we are relieved that there are no complications involved, no lies to remember, no pitfalls in future discussions. Externally, the other person is also aware of all circumstances and is in sync. He or she can then respond with honesty in his or her own way and a second step is made on firm ground. This is enlightened relationship.

.

But unfortunately, we are mostly not so divine. If the receiver of honesty is not equipped to handle it, there is great emotional charge generated that is sure to leave emotional residue -- as grief, resentment, defensiveness etc. Over time, maybe the receiver also becomes more equipped to handle honesty. However, the skill of the first person lies in being a responsible judge of how much load of honesty will leave minimum emotional residue in the whole system.

.

Honesty per se should not be a code of living. It should be a tool, like ego can be used as a tool, to flow through life generating minimum residue.

Meeting Mr Righteous

There are people who feel "righteous" and others who just feel "right".

Righteousness is associated with pomposity, sometimes hypocrisy. It means whatever I have done was the right thing to do, just because I have done it. It is ego-based.

Rightness means I have felt inside me what was the right thing to do, I have acted accordingly, and my convictions have not changed immediately after seeing the reaction to my action. That gives a feeling of rightness filled with peace that can easily rise above others' opinions.

A person who feels rightness will not try to convince others about the reasons for their actions; approval of others is not so important.

Second chance

Do you know when do we get a second chance at growing up? When we ourselves become parents. 

The best way to teach the child is to walk the talk. We know all about good behaviour and moral values in theory, but when we try to teach it to our children and if we take a moment to review whether our own behaviour is reflecting what we are talking about, we shall find ourselves short on various fronts. 

This is the opportunity for believing whole-heartedly in the importance of providing a role-model and doing those small corrections, those adjustments to our way of life, that will ensure that the values that we wish our children to learn is reinforced by the life that they witness at home. In the process, we ourselves can rejuvinate our stilted personalities and grow again.

Loaded gun

In giving us free will, the Divine has trusted us with a loaded gun. We can decide to spread light or wreak havoc. Choices are to be made with responsibility. 

It is also important to realise that choices ARE being made at every point of time.