Do we need honesty in relationships?

The goal of living is to generate minimum emotional residue.

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Internally, honesty achieves this, as we are relieved that there are no complications involved, no lies to remember, no pitfalls in future discussions. Externally, the other person is also aware of all circumstances and is in sync. He or she can then respond with honesty in his or her own way and a second step is made on firm ground. This is enlightened relationship.

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But unfortunately, we are mostly not so divine. If the receiver of honesty is not equipped to handle it, there is great emotional charge generated that is sure to leave emotional residue -- as grief, resentment, defensiveness etc. Over time, maybe the receiver also becomes more equipped to handle honesty. However, the skill of the first person lies in being a responsible judge of how much load of honesty will leave minimum emotional residue in the whole system.

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Honesty per se should not be a code of living. It should be a tool, like ego can be used as a tool, to flow through life generating minimum residue.