Who is a friend?

‘Mitra’ is a word in Hindi (sanskrit). So is ‘Sakha’. The love a friend bears towards another is of a very sweet kind. 

 Who is a friend to another? When we look at another person, we focus on two things. (a) Are his/her feelings okay? and (b) Is his/her behaviour okay? A ‘friend’ is highly focussed towards his friend’s feelings, less towards his actions. He is more into empathy than into judgement. Just as a mother’s emotional balloon envelopes her children’s jagged feelings, a friend seeks first to soothe, then to advise.

 Nowadays we use the word ‘friend’ loosely, covering a wide range of relationships, from the most casual to the most loyal. The Indian language is more subtle and differentiates between levels. Even between ‘mitra’ and ‘sakha’, ‘mitra’ is deeper and has less expectations. ‘Sakha’ still expects a good time from his association with his friend through common activities and emotions. ‘Mitra’ is just there, even if interactions have reduced greatly. He is always ready to help.

Soft and swift

In the ideal friend or partner, we look for two attritibutes:

• He or she should be sensitive to other's feelings
• He or she should be action-oriented and should take corrective measure

Obviously this is a bit of idealism, as most people are either one or the other - or neither.

The person may be very sensitive, understand what you need, with strong perspective and quick choice of what is the right thing to do but - too lazy to act. After some time the initial euphoria of having an 'understanding' friend wears off and we wish he would get up and do the things he talks about.

Or the person may be action-oriented. A good person overall because he (henceforth 'he' for simplicity) tries to correct whatever comes to his notice and is always circumspect in his dealings. But alas, he understands so little of what is really required in a relationship. He comes forth as a 'good guy' to people who are not close to him, but is an uncaring brute and a disappointment to those who are close to him and need his understanding and care to remain wholesome.

If you by chance get a friend who is both, just do not let go because such people are very rare and precious.

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