The six-barrelled gun

Peace and love go hand-in-hand. They are supposed to be our basic state. When we are not perturbed by something, we are at peace - the default condition. When our mind is not agitated by something, we are at peace and willing to look at other people with sympathy and love - the default feeling. 

 To be perturbed, first we have to want something, be attached to something. Then depending on whether we get it or not, or whether we get enough of it, who else has it, the nature and degree of our perturbation varies. These categories of perturbation (or distortions) are called ripus in the shashtras. There are six of them, which can be loosely described as follows in terms of attachment. Kama - attachment for something I do not have (lust). Krodha - attachment for something not happening my way(anger). Lobha - attachment for more of what I have (greed). Moha - attachment for what I have right now; I'll not let it go (possessiveness). Madh - attachment for my own qualities; I'm a great guy (pride). Matsarjya - attachment for someone else's qualities; wish I was like that (envy). 

 It is roughly in the descending order of ease of handling -- it is easiest to conquer envy and most difficult to conquer lust. These perturbations drive away peace. These distortions twist love into something else. These waves play havoc with our value system and compromise human values like kindness and generosity. It is against these ripus that our power of discrimination is required. Discrimination recognises that these are twisted crust on the surface of our peaceful mind, and that recognition helps to soften the crust and dissolve it.

Halo effect

In a group, how often have you heard the comment: "He is not a good chap! Only involved in work - no time for family at all."; or a similar remark that labels a person thoroughly and paints him from head to foot because of one aspect of his life? 

Judgement, an unavoidable aspect of thought, has two qualities that compromise fairness. One is that it is subjective; it depends on who is judging and what that person's value system is. A judgement reveals as much about the judge as the judged. The other is, it suffers from halo effect, something which comes through in the dialogue mentioned earlier. 

 A person lives his life through roles. His understanding of these roles are fed in during his growing up years. He has a mental map of what is the role of a father, son, employee, husband, friend social worker, patriot. They all involve certain activities. Activities consume resource, be it time or money. How to allocate a resource in case of a constraint comes out of his value system. So it may end up that if he has to spend one hour at work and one hour with family and has only one hour in hand, he may give it to work. His value system may say:"I am paid for working and my first priority is work". Another person's value system may say: "I live for my family and beyond working hours they get priority". If we really have to pass an opinion on a person (we'll avoid judging), we have to see him in all roles. It is very rare that a person can excel in all roles. A good employee may be a poor family-man. A good wife may be a poor mother. A good son may turn out a poor patriot. If we look at only one role and pass an opinion on the whole set, that is halo effect. 

 Of course, it is best not to pass an opinion at all. That person's value system is also a sort of given and beyond his capability to modify. But then, what to talk about at parties?

Train to forget

As a child I was once advised to take Brainolia, a popular tonic at that time, for improving memory. The ability to remember is a laudable one and quizzers have to have it in abundance. 

This relates to factual memory. When it comes to emotional memory, I don't have to try to remember. Every embarrassment, things that make made me angry or sad, every slight, insult, breach-of-trust is remembered in technicolor and recalled at will. 

Times do come when remembering is not fun anymore. And unless we forget, it is impossible to start afresh. But how to forget? Well, one can either try to deliberately remember the good things (what is called pratipaksh bhavana), so that in the mind the opinion about the offending person ultimately tilts towards the positive. The past is nothing but present memory. So if we can influence our memory a bit, it helps. 

Or one can realise and accept the truth that inside the apparently steady physical body, everyone is actually new every moment, like every frame of a film is actually a new one - looks continuous since it runs. The person who offended us may be different now. Maybe mostly same because of his/her own memory function, but we can admit the possibility for change, and not give in to a "Kuchh nahi honewala" syndrome. 

Intelligence knows how to remember. Wisdom knows how to forget.

Three types of Values

Throughout our growing up, our minds are intensely programmed into a vast multitude of "OK" and "Not OK" reactions. A particular event affects a range of parameters of our judgement and comes back with a range of "OK/Not OK" reactions, which combine into an overall feeling of comfort or discomfort with the event. When some particular discomfort is very obvious and high on the reaction list, we say: "I don't like it, because ....". When the reaction has too many subconscious factors and we are unable to catch any particular one by the handle, we just shrug and say: "Doesn't feel right, somehow.....". 

Some of these "OK/Not OK" judgemental boundaries are for the well-being of others - they are good HUMAN VALUES. 

Some are required for the society to have some common behavioural understanding - they are good SOCIAL VALUES. 

Some are in place just because some line has to be drawn somewhere for us to react - they are PERSONALITY VALUES (personal likes and dislikes). 

Human values - like kindness, generosity, compassion, greater good - are time-tested and can be blindly indulged in. Social values - like respect to elders, abiding by law, charity, moral rectitude - are for other people's comfort, and should be understood ultimately as a choice of behaviour accepted by us for general peace, not necessarily binding. In our path to "feeling free", this is the segment of our mind most difficult to untangle. Personality values are some things we should regularly break out of as a matter of practice, so that we do not set into a mould or stereotype. (The breakout should not go against a higher value, though). Some experience may have biased us against people talking loudly, for example. It is important for us to recognise this bias, which is a generalised reaction to a specific incident, and work against it. 

After all, values are nothing but mental habits. Like any habit, if they serve a "good" purpose, we should nurture them, otherwise, change them. 

 When we look at the character of a person as he grows up, we find a definite progression of values. The child is actually strong in human values, but has not developed the others. The youth develops personality values, and suspects social values. He decides that human values are a sign of weakness. He is vibrant but no longer sweet. The middle-aged man develops strong social and personality values. In his pressure for material goals, his human values may sometime take a back seat. He becomes a more rigid goal-oriented person. As wisdom dawns through experience, the binding of social values diminish again, and human values increase, and old people, sometimes surprisingly, mellow down and become very forgiving. Personality values are sometimes too well-set to break out of, which the old man will laughingly admit. 

 Let us realise that the whole thing is nothing but a programming and choose to let those programs run which are both self-preserving and beneficial to others in the long run.

Swimming in the sea

The mind is like an ocean with hidden depths and currents. Some of the forces are evident to us, some are not.

The spirit is endless and light, like the sky above.

The surface is where we swim, buffeted by the waves, fighting for life. We try to understand the depths below, why the waves come, how to control them, what all dangers lurk down there.

Understanding the ocean has its limits -- it is too deep and vast and interconnected to other oceans. It is best to simply ride the waves, float at the surface and deal with other floating things. Live in the present moment. For that, just a little knowledge of the water is enough.

Let's turn our back to the mind's ocean and just float. The sky is very beautiful above.

Debt and responsibility

There may be an end to debt, but no end to responsibility. 

There are some people to whom we feel indebted for some good done to us. Some of these debts are so profound that we feel they can never be fully repaid - like to our parents, our guru etc. Others are mentally "paid off" if we do some service in return. 

Responsibility is a feeling from within, which will be there even if we have not received any material help from them that can be accounted - like to our children, our aged parents, spouse, close relatives, best friend etc. It is more a matter of feeling, as if we have invested a bit of our own self in that person, and in taking care of them, we take care of our sense of well-being as well.

Claim - don't blame

An event happens because a previous event has happened. Can anything ever happen in isolation? Like links added in a chain, a string of events uncoil into history.

Any point in the chain can be conveniently pointed at as a cause for everything that followed. That is how the blaming game goes.

Somewhere I have also contributed to the chain. For me, the only thing worthwhile judging is THAT link. That is the only link whose intentions I had some knowledge of. Did I act with the best of intentions - for the overall good for a long period of time? Or was it for a short-term comfort?

The only person I have a right to question is me. Did I act responsibly?

Incidentally, one of the best definitions of responsibility is: "Responsibility is ........ whatever is in your power to do."