To forgive is not divine

When does the issue of forgiveness arise? First there is a hurt. A friend's behaviour has hurt me. (He acted in a way that reduced my value in my own eyes or in others'). 

Obviously the action was unexpected. It has given rise to resentment, which is a feeling. Resentment never goes away, and finds outlet in either of two actions. If I am confident of having the upper hand, it is revenge. If I am not, it is so-called forgiveness. 

This may sound sarcastic, but deep down, in most cases forgiveness is a decision. A decision is a prelude to action (or inaction). Any action is involved in ego-protection. If you ever hear anyone say: "I have decided to forgive him", please laugh in his face. Forgiveness is a state of mind. It is a quality with different strengths in different personalities, like other traits - generosity, straightness, empathy etc. If some situation challenges the level of forgiveness a person possesses, resentment arises. One cannot 'decide to forgive' after that without going through an emotional process that first raises the threshold level of forgiveness in the person as a whole and not related to the particular issue. That is why a challenging situation often leaves a person 'a better man'. He becomes a 'better man' first and then uses it to handle the challenging situation, being left with a 'growth'. . Therefore, decision to forgive cannot be issue-based. 

If you find someone who accepted a great hurt, it is either because he had the capacity to start with. Otherwise the only way he could absorb this great boulder of hurt was by increasing the reservoir of forgiveness itself. That is why it is good to go through a variety of adverse situations. .