Three types of Values

Throughout our growing up, our minds are intensely programmed into a vast multitude of "OK" and "Not OK" reactions. A particular event affects a range of parameters of our judgement and comes back with a range of "OK/Not OK" reactions, which combine into an overall feeling of comfort or discomfort with the event. When some particular discomfort is very obvious and high on the reaction list, we say: "I don't like it, because ....". When the reaction has too many subconscious factors and we are unable to catch any particular one by the handle, we just shrug and say: "Doesn't feel right, somehow.....". 

Some of these "OK/Not OK" judgemental boundaries are for the well-being of others - they are good HUMAN VALUES. 

Some are required for the society to have some common behavioural understanding - they are good SOCIAL VALUES. 

Some are in place just because some line has to be drawn somewhere for us to react - they are PERSONALITY VALUES (personal likes and dislikes). 

Human values - like kindness, generosity, compassion, greater good - are time-tested and can be blindly indulged in. Social values - like respect to elders, abiding by law, charity, moral rectitude - are for other people's comfort, and should be understood ultimately as a choice of behaviour accepted by us for general peace, not necessarily binding. In our path to "feeling free", this is the segment of our mind most difficult to untangle. Personality values are some things we should regularly break out of as a matter of practice, so that we do not set into a mould or stereotype. (The breakout should not go against a higher value, though). Some experience may have biased us against people talking loudly, for example. It is important for us to recognise this bias, which is a generalised reaction to a specific incident, and work against it. 

After all, values are nothing but mental habits. Like any habit, if they serve a "good" purpose, we should nurture them, otherwise, change them. 

 When we look at the character of a person as he grows up, we find a definite progression of values. The child is actually strong in human values, but has not developed the others. The youth develops personality values, and suspects social values. He decides that human values are a sign of weakness. He is vibrant but no longer sweet. The middle-aged man develops strong social and personality values. In his pressure for material goals, his human values may sometime take a back seat. He becomes a more rigid goal-oriented person. As wisdom dawns through experience, the binding of social values diminish again, and human values increase, and old people, sometimes surprisingly, mellow down and become very forgiving. Personality values are sometimes too well-set to break out of, which the old man will laughingly admit. 

 Let us realise that the whole thing is nothing but a programming and choose to let those programs run which are both self-preserving and beneficial to others in the long run.

Swimming in the sea

The mind is like an ocean with hidden depths and currents. Some of the forces are evident to us, some are not.

The spirit is endless and light, like the sky above.

The surface is where we swim, buffeted by the waves, fighting for life. We try to understand the depths below, why the waves come, how to control them, what all dangers lurk down there.

Understanding the ocean has its limits -- it is too deep and vast and interconnected to other oceans. It is best to simply ride the waves, float at the surface and deal with other floating things. Live in the present moment. For that, just a little knowledge of the water is enough.

Let's turn our back to the mind's ocean and just float. The sky is very beautiful above.

Debt and responsibility

There may be an end to debt, but no end to responsibility. 

There are some people to whom we feel indebted for some good done to us. Some of these debts are so profound that we feel they can never be fully repaid - like to our parents, our guru etc. Others are mentally "paid off" if we do some service in return. 

Responsibility is a feeling from within, which will be there even if we have not received any material help from them that can be accounted - like to our children, our aged parents, spouse, close relatives, best friend etc. It is more a matter of feeling, as if we have invested a bit of our own self in that person, and in taking care of them, we take care of our sense of well-being as well.

Claim - don't blame

An event happens because a previous event has happened. Can anything ever happen in isolation? Like links added in a chain, a string of events uncoil into history.

Any point in the chain can be conveniently pointed at as a cause for everything that followed. That is how the blaming game goes.

Somewhere I have also contributed to the chain. For me, the only thing worthwhile judging is THAT link. That is the only link whose intentions I had some knowledge of. Did I act with the best of intentions - for the overall good for a long period of time? Or was it for a short-term comfort?

The only person I have a right to question is me. Did I act responsibly?

Incidentally, one of the best definitions of responsibility is: "Responsibility is ........ whatever is in your power to do."

Heart and head

A person of the heart has wisdom of what is happening. 

A person of head has wisdom of what may happen. 

A person of freedom enjoys the first and understands the second at the same time.

The lotus leaf

Like water falling on a lotus leaf, events fall on our mind.

Our mental make-up is like our fingers holding up the lotus leaf on our fingertips. Like our fingers have different lengths, the balance of our value systems, virtues and vices, define the tilt of the leaf, towards the right or the wrong.

Events keep falling on our mind as an endless stream of water drops. Which way they roll off (ie which way we react) depends on the tilt of the leaf.

For the reactive person, his tilt is set. If he is "naturally" good, his reactions are always kind and generous; else it is "naturally bad" - always selfish and arrogant.

For the person with some attempt at self-knowledge, he tries to be good by adjusting the fingers -- imbibing good values, not reacting without contemplating which way his mind is tilted.

For the jnyani, the knowledgeable one, he has consciously eliminated all tilt -- the drops stay at the centre till he decides which way he wants them to flow out.

For the karma-yogi, his focus is on work and not on the result of work. The leaf is like a funnel and all drops flow through the centre, gathering neither good nor bad karma, irrespective of his mental tilt.

For the bhakta -- well, he has thrown away the leaf and his mind. The drops fall right through and go wherever they want - he cares not.

How are you holding your leaf?

In God we trust -- the rest pay cash !

In our world, being trusting has become synonymous with being foolish and weak. Being mistrustful and cynical is being smart. 

There is great power and freedom in being trusting. A trusting person never loses peace of mind. For him, the ball is always in the other court! He does not have to worry about judging, decision-making, accepting, rejecting, ensuring, insuring. 

Of course, a trusting person has to start by accepting the position that he has nothing much to lose. The person at the receiving end of the trust is left holding the baby. He has to move carefully lest he drops it! By and large people are honest and sincere and do not misuse another person's trust. What does your experience say? In fact, having a bad experience with one person is far less troubling than having to be mistrustful of every person, isn't it? It's like removing guards from banks -- their salaries was found to cost more than loss from robberies! 

Let's not be afraid to trust. Misusing the trust is the other person's problem. Let's not be averse to ascribing a good motive to someone's action. Being wrong is the other person's loss. Let's not be uneasy about keeping silent. A good point not uttered is little loss compared to a possibly hurtful thing said.